my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
