so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
