Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I know her cup size but not her name....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
