If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
