is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
