I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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