No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
