I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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