she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
