I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
