i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
