so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
