he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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