I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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