it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I need moral support for this bender
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
