I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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