i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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