I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
