I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
