i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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