Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
