Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My bed smells like the plague
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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