Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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