Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
