she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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