and i looked up. we had an audience...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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