I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
