I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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