So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
