your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
