u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you had me at cake vodka
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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