Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
