TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You need Xanax blowdarts
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
