Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
