Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
