Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
