Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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