What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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