Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
