yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this just has baby written all over it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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