Dude my mom stole all your condoms
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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