I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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