i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
