They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize