oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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