I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
