you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
