I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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