I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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