I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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