Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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