Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude i'm inner monologue high
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you made out with another girl for some wings
as a side note pls kill me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
