STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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