you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
