i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
