Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What a dumb baby whore.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
