I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
