my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
