Plan B is the new Plan A
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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