I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
