You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
