You were right. It hurts to walk today.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
