I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
