I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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