cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
