so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
