Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
