there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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