Actions speak louder than pants.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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