If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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