Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
