do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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