You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
