i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
