your room smells of hookers.
And success
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
